I grew up in a practicing Catholic family and I received a Christian education quite early on, but over the years, we choose to live our faith ourselves, it is no longer just what we have been taught.
When I was in high school, one evening during my prayer I felt the desire to be totally given to prayer. I was not thinking of religious life, I had other projects, but rereading my journey I see today that it was at this time that the Lord called me, called to a life of prayer.
Once things became clearer and I knew that the Lord was waiting for me in consecrated life, I left for Paris because none of the religious communities in my city attracted me. In Paris, I visited quite a few communities and one day, by chance, I found myself behind the Sacré Coeur in Montmartre, where there is a Carmel. Without having warned beforehand, I knocked on their door and asked to meet the mother prioress who received me and she gave me a small brochure, The ideal of the Carmelites. I read it, and I discovered that Carmelite spirituality corresponded to what I was looking for: a cloistered life, centered on union with God through prayer. Prayer is the crux of my vocation and what helped me to discern from beginning to end. Carmel is the only order that emphasizes union with God through prayer. We are all, lay people too, called to this union with God; but Carmel offers us this particular path of prayer that I felt was mine.
It was my spiritual father, who knew the prioress of the Carmel of Lisieux, who advised me to come here and I understood that I was called to Lisieux. It didn't happen as I expected, I thought it was going to be a great joy (by dint of looking you tell yourself that when you find the place where the Lord is calling you it will be 'extraordinary!) but I didn't experience it like that, I always remained in a peace, in a peaceful interior joy which remained with me and which accompanies me. This inner joy lives in me, guides me and supports me. It takes time to get used to this life to which the Lord calls us; but the presence of the Lord at our side is a source of joy, which is not necessarily seen on the outside but which is real, and which represents my inner strength to move forward, a peaceful and profound joy linked to the presence of the Lord.
The Word that dwells in me is " it is no longer I who live, it is Christ who lives in me », she expresses this union with God which attracts me. "It is not you who chose me, it is I who chose you" also seems to me to define my vocation. It's really a call from the Lord, before I had completely different projects. In complete freedom I say yes to him, but the choice comes from the Lord who keeps me going.
my favorite picture : that of the merciful Christ of Saint Faustina. I also like Saint Faustina and our Carmel saints whom I am getting to know.
The desire that lives in me is to remain faithful to my vocation and to try to do more the will of the Lord, which is not easy. The main thing is to let myself be led and I have no other desire than to be there, faithful to God and to what He wants from me.
A Carmelite Sister
