I received faith in my family, in my school and also in the “Catholic Movements”. I wanted to go further; but from there to thinking of giving my life to Christ, no, not at all! Until the age of twenty, I thought more of marriage when I told myself that if I didn't marry, being a missionary would also fascinate me, many things fascinated me!
It was during an illness that a priest I had known for a long time brought me some books, among which was a life of Thérèse. I opened it at random and came across pages that overwhelmed me: in my mind, before reading this, I did not think that God could be so present in our lives and I told myself that holiness was not not for me !
When I read: “I will be love at the heart of the Church, so I will be everything”, I understood that all my desires would then be realized by this path of union with Christ. This Love that radiates everywhere completely turned me around. I then asked myself very seriously the question of the Carmelite vocation. I spoke about it to a priest, who told me that he felt that I had “a contemplative soul”. Oh dear, I thought, where is he taking me, a contemplative soul?!? I who was running all the way from right to left with my friends… We walked for a while, then he suggested that I go on a retreat with a Carmelite Father. I was ready to do anything to find out what God wanted from me; I would have gone to New York if they had asked me!
And off I went to the Carmel, where I met Father Carme Victor Sion with whom I had a deep dialogue. He left me very free, and gave me back to reading Thérèse's Manuscripts, emphasizing in them what touched me. After this exercise, there was no longer any doubt for him that I had this vocation. I then made my decision. He himself made contact with the Carmel of Lisieux. I met the mistress of novices, the prioress, who made me wait more than a year because I was only twenty at the time. At that time it was not so young, but still. I was in a hurry to get home, and was surprised that they made me wait. They also put me to the test, because I was obviously focused on Thérèse, so they asked me what I would think of going to another Carmel (no matter how much we love Thérèse, we don't go to Carmel for her!). “It's as you wish, I come to live with Christ. Thérèse led me to Christ, and it is Christ that I want to follow. When they saw that I was willing to go anywhere for him, they finally offered me to stay there, and that's how I got in.
What attracts me in the life of the Carmel is therefore to live with Him this union which can set the whole world ablaze – as Thérèse made me understand. If I pray with Christ, I am a missionary, connected to ALL, to ALL the terrestrial and celestial universe.
Since I have been here, I have always lived with this certainty that prayer has an influence not only on humanity but on the whole cosmos, on everything that God has created in this world and in the hereafter of course! It is truly my happiness, my joy. All vocations are beautiful. All of us can live from this fruitful Truth: a Christian often does not realize the full impact of his prayer. What a soothing and joyful hope in a life! Now and in the future.
I sometimes think to myself, “My God, would I have been able to cope with all that the homes take on? I believe that God led me here because I was weak, fragile. People believe otherwise, they take us for extraordinary people but they don't know what we discover here in prayer: how much we are loved in our poverty. In prayer, we discover all the limits of our human being but above all all the gifts of His Love. We do not expect it! It is an extraordinary experience: it is there that we join the true of humanity. It is as if Jesus were telling us: “Come down, come down, join me, I have lived all this. I gave everything, to offer everything to those who believe. » We always want to be « on top », whereas Thérèse reminds us that the smaller we are, trusting in Him for everything, the more Jesus wants to love us, to fulfill us. How many times has this reality set me back on the road!
My favorite Bible phrase : " Let all be one (Jn 17). When I pray to her with Jesus, I am at the heart of the heart of his Soul. This path of unity is a common thread in my life, it is a passion for me. In joy as in suffering I always come back to this prayer: so that all may be One in LOVE ».
A Carmelite Sister
